COPING TIPS FOR CPTSD AS A RESULT OF ABUSE IN THE "CHURCH"

Coping tips for CPTSD

as a result of abuse in the “church”

Due to the prolonged abuse you have been subjected to in the “church”, your physiology has been completely altered, so no "power of the mind" can control how your brain and your body have been conditioned to react. You are probably oscillating from fight, flight, freeze modes and all the symptoms seem to be chaotic. Again, they are perfectly normal reactions for the psychological, emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse you have suffered. So, while you are on the process of understanding what happened to you and how you are processing your feelings and symptoms, which are extremely important for your healing, I'd like to offer you a few tips that I’ve found particularly useful to cope with the unbearable symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD):

1.   Get yourself a safe environment.

a) It may sound obvious, but the first thing you would want to do is to get away from the toxic environment a.k.a. "church" you are in. Being exposed to more toxicity will only hinder any healing process.

b) You may want to avoid crowded and noisy places, since you are probably having high levels of hypervigilance: getting easily startled; constantly scanning your thoughts and the environment, looking for potential threats; difficulty concentrating; feeling unsafe and irritable.

c) You may have other triggers – external stimuli that can cause emotional or visual flashbacks of the traumatic events – which can lead to a state of hypervigilance, extreme discomfort, despair, agony and/or breakdowns: songs, objects, colors, smells, images, movies, places, people directly related or not to the “church”. Some triggers will fade away, others might continue for longer. The best thing you can do is to avoid them as much as possible. If you believe it’s important to share this information with your loved ones, do so. You may not feel comfortable because of what they might think of you, but, if necessary, try to talk to them anyway – even if it means showing this blog :)  Feeling safe is extremely important for your healing process.

d) If avoiding triggers means asking your loved ones to respect moments of solitude, so be it. If they truly care about you, they will respect this new aspect of your life. I will be honest and say that healing will take as long as it takes, and by that I mean even years. Putting more pressure on yourself because you feel like you ‘need’ to get better soon is not going to help your healing process, in fact, it may hinder it.  It is not "selfishness". Your family and friends didn’t ask for it, neither did you.

2.   Journaling. Only God and you can possibly understand all the devastating feelings and symptoms you are having right now. When you have a journal - on a notebook and/or on a computer -, you can process better all the events that are making you feel angry, confused, desperate, anxious, frustrated, sad, disappointed, indignant, etc. During and after the abuse, we feel "disconnected" from almost everything, including ourselves. Journaling is a great way to reconnect with yourself, with what has happened to you and what is happening now. Perhaps you are being abused and don’t know it yet, which is very common among the victims. Your gut is telling you that there’s something really wrong, but you can’t really put a finger on it. Try to describe the events, scenes and dialogues on your journal, you may find patterns of abuse along the way.

 

3.   Be selective when it comes to alleviating the pain. You will definitely need to find ways to allow your brain to "shut down" from all the overwhelming feelings and symptoms of CPTSD.

a) Needless to say, resorting to drugs, alcohol or any other addictive substance will only aggravate your symptoms and hinder your healing process.

b) If possible, try not to watch horror movies or those which have violence or obscenity. These kinds of movies or scenes can work as triggers, especially if the abuse is quite recent. We know sometimes it's hard to actually "predict" what is going to happen in a movie. For example, I have seen movies qualified for 12 year-olds with couples having intercourse right at the beginning of the movie (!).  So, if you happen to be watching Netflix or any other media service provider, you can "jump" such scenes... Anyway, we totally advise you to watch "family movies", cartoons, cooking programs on You Tube etc, whatever helps your brain deviate its attention from the unbearable symptoms of trauma. Truth be told, the symptoms and flashbacks will keep on coming back, but don't lose heart! It will get better!

c) For the same reasons above, you are very welcome to play games on the smartphone, computer or consoles, but, again, try to avoid those with horror, violence or obscenity.

d) Because of the overwhelming feelings, every second of peace is precious. It depends on each person, I totally recommend enjoying the sunset, having a shower with that special soap with a sweet aroma and sleeping. Find your own healthy way.

4.   Educate yourself on abuse and trauma. Read as much as you can about narcissistic abuse, spiritual abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, effects of abuse and trauma and CPTSD. These are some of the key words towards your healing path. It is extremely important for victims of abuse and trauma to feel validated, heard and understood (for more information on the topic, read The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by the especialist on trauma Dr. Bessel van der Kolk). Note: watch out for the "trolls" on the internet. Unfortunately, there are people who claim to be "helping" when, in fact, they are inflicting further pain by invalidating abusive and traumatic experiences or fabricating false narratives where the victims are shamed for what they have been/are going through.


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